Are you making any of the following Serious Parenting Errors in the midst of a separation or divorce? 

Most good parents approach the painful issue of separation and divorce with the best of intentions. Parents often pledge to shield their child from adult concerns, safeguard their child’s tender feelings, and meet his or her emotional needs. Parents mean it when they say it, but legal proceedings can and will test their resolve. In the real world of conflict caused by conflict and often a lawsuit between parents, parents experience loss of time from work, financial woes, extreme stress, and concern about the unknown outcome of their case. It is the perfect environment for anger and resentment. The person who often suffers the most is the one that both parties love the most -- their child.

In helping determine what is in the best interest of your child or children, Mr. Kelso has personally experienced raising children and step-children following divorce. He has also spent many years counseling and helping to resolve conflict between parents who are experiencing family difficulties. He has interviewed hundreds of parents going through the separation and divorce experience. It is often difficult for parents to gain a child's perspective on the separation or divorce. Parents are in most cases self-centered and living in denial of their child's feelings. Each parent wants as much time with the child as possible to the exclusion of the other parent. Each parent denies or fails to see what effect their perspective may have on the child's feelings. Children often feel compartmentalized by separation and divorce. As they grow, they feel they must live dual lives, a life with mom and a life with dad. It is hard for adults to imagine how difficult this really is. They are often required to keep secrets of what goes on at mom's house and what goes on at dad's house. The courts, in making shared or joint custody arrangements, often contribute to the compartmentalization of the children. Each parent is given a 100% independent life, but each child now has to divide life, often 50% with mom and 50% with dad. The child or children often feel confusion and a total lack of unity on any issue that arises between parents.

If parents are going to successfully raise children of divorce, they must shift their perspectives. Mr. Kelso often asks the parent to take a God's eye view of their situation. If they can, they need to see the separation and divorce throught their child's eyes. A parent must see what is at stake in the shift from one household to two. A parent must identify basic parental styles and how they affect the way the parents will handle the children. Mr. Kelso will help provide a succinct overview of the legal system to help a parent find the safest way through, with suggestions for working with attorneys and dealing with courts and hearings.

Even loving, well-intentioned parents lose perspective in the emotional turbulence of separation and divorce. It is always the children who pay the highest price. But separation, divorce, and resolving child custody need not wreck everyone’s lives. There are ways to minimize the grief, anxiety, frustration, anger, and dissipation of resources. If you know what to avoid and if you take the positive steps Mr. Kelso can recommend, you can spare your child and yourself an enormous amount of suffering. You can act in the best interest of your child.

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Call: 704-865-8684